Undoubtedly, you must have encountered an abundance of such narratives by now. I am aware of this fact. It has become fashionable, indeed. Nevertheless, I present my own rendition, my unique viewpoint. It encapsulates my interpretation of what the twenties ought to entail and, more often than not, the prevailing sentiment of personal inadequacy that pervades my existence. Success has become so deeply ingrained within our subconscious that we obstinately refrain from embracing the broader panorama. Personally, I staunchly resist such a limited perspective. However, perchance the grander tapestry holds a more vibrant and effulgent composition. A luminosity that surpasses the present melancholic days, which I strike off my calendar, optimistically yearning for a brighter future.
In truth, I have reached a stage of profound exhaustion, a state of burnout. Perhaps this point was reached long ago, but I failed to acknowledge it, or rather, I should say my calendar which looked like a rainbow didn't allow me to.
Throughout my twenties, I have frequently found myself oscillating between two emotions: anger and hurt. I am aware that nurturing either sentiment over an extended period would only allow them to fester and exacerbate. Yet, if I possessed the ability to select, I would unfailingly opt for anger over hurt. There exists within anger a semblance of control, a warrior-like sensation. It activates a self-protective mechanism that operates instinctively. It signifies that we still possess a fighting spirit, even if we are oblivious to it. Conversely, being consumed by hurt often feels like surrender, as if we have been grievously wronged, and the pangs of sorrow linger indefinitely.
We cannot evade the presence of these emotions. I, myself, have experienced anger towards my own self and have inflicted pain upon myself on numerous occasions. As I pen these words, my mind meanders through memories, attempting to recollect recent instances that triggered these emotions. I fervently hope that reflecting upon the past holds some merit, allowing us to discern discernible patterns. Whom have we allowed into our lives time and again? Whom have we purposefully excluded? Is it within our power to effect change? If so, how might we accomplish it? If not, what are the hindrances that impede our progress?
The twenties pose manifold challenges. We must continually adapt and acclimatize ourselves to new environments, encounters with diverse individuals, and a myriad of unforeseen circumstances. And just when we believe we have succeeded in navigating these adjustments, everything changes once more. Change emerges as the sole constant in our lives. I now concur with this realization.
Welcome, my friend. You have entered the realm of your twenties. Initially, everything will seem intelligible, if only for a fleeting moment, until it inexplicably descends into incomprehensibility once again.
I wish you the best of luck.
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